As I told everyone who asked me, I tried breastfeeding. Just under four weeks in, it's over. I am definitely sad that things didn't work out, but I just wasn't able to go the distance. From the beginning, I've gone back and forth on wanting to stop and feeling horrible for it, to trying to push through but not succeeding by much. So many people, starting with the first lactation nurse that visited (and hurt me) in the hospital, almost make you feel bad about not doing it, or thinking about giving the baby formula. But there were also a lot of others, including my family, a couple of the other nurses at the hospital and especially Mike, were very supportive and understanding. Our pediatrician was one of these, and didn't think anything bad of me for not exclusively breastfeeding Julie. I'm finally okay with having finally stopped.
At first, it was okay until my nipples got cracked and incredibly sore. I eventually got through that and was able to do the breastfeeding thing fairly normally for about a week, but then I began to get this odd sensation every time that I fed her. It was like a restless leg syndrome type feeling mixed with a really itchy sensation in my boobs. It got to the point that when I started getting that feeling, I almost wanted to scream (I did a couple times) and had to do everything I could not to take her off and stop feeding her. When my mom and grandma came to visit while Mike went on a two day work trip, I decided to just pump. So much better. But as the next week or so went on, I went from 4 oz per hour long pumping session, I was down to 1 oz for the same amount of time. Drying up already. And as of today, if I got a drop out of either side...
Though I really do like not having to worry about pumping or feeding her that way, I do feel guilty that I can't feed her all the important stuff my breast milk has for her. I have heard that the first two weeks are the most important, and she got a good amount of breast milk for that period of time at least, so that's good. It was worth the trouble, and I sincerely hope that it was enough to do her as much good as I could.
On a more happy note, Julie met her two best boys, Logan and Mason, yesterday. The Welmerink's had been sick for a few weeks but were finally healthy and came to meet their new little lady. Mason is still pretty young but he thought she was neat. He kept running around and saying "Baby!" at her, and gave her a few little pokes in the butt with his finger every once and awhile. Logan, on the other hand, LOVED her! He is big enough to hold her if he sits down and has someone nearby. He held her so carefully and even gave her kisses and held her hand. He was pretty amazed with her. So adorable. Check out the photos below!
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